“I’ve just landed, where are you?” I said urgently on the mobile on touching down at Mumbai Airport. It was 10 PM. I had not even waited for the aircraft to come to a halt before switching on the mobile.

“I’m right here, outside the arrival lounge” came the reply in the familiar and warm voice from the other end. The voice was lately the center of my being. My heart had been pounding loud against my chest and shivers were running down my spine. I should have been comforted at the sound of the voice, as if a blanket were thrown over me on a chilly night but I was not. My pulses were racing and my throat felt dry. I had suddenly developed cold feet after having come so far. Doubt crept into my mind and fear gripped my soul. Was I doing the right thing? I asked my self.

Not able to withstand the constant pressure and nagging of my parents and relatives to get married any longer I had consented to my cousin registering me on a matrimonial website, but without my photograph. In addition, she had also taken it upon herself to go through the profiles of prospective grooms and forward them to me. One such profile was that of Prashant Sen. On, her insistence that his was the best profile she had come across and forwarded to me so far, I even sent him a one-liner. The reply was prompt, what caught my attention more than the initial handsome face on the profile, and the brief self-description was his way with words on the short reply.

After a couple of mail exchanges, by which time I was obviously hooked to his written words, I agreed to give him my number and sent him an SMS one Sunday afternoon with it. The call came immediately thereafter. The voice was very smooth and warm. Somehow, we were able to joke instantly and there was an immediate connection. The conversation lasted over an hour and we agreed to catch up later that evening. Having guests over at my place, in spite of the great urge to talk to each other we could pick up the conversation where we left off only as late as 9.30 PM after we had both had dinner.

It seemed like we had known each other for ages. No hesitation or awkwardness at all. Prashant’s voice was smooth, friendly and inviting. Like walking into a fire lit room on a snowy night. With his casual friendly probing, he made me spill my guts with ease and in no time, I had told him of most of my life until then. I felt comfortable enough to tell him anything at all. As for me, I did not ask much. I felt so sure that there must be some divine providence goading us or how could I be opening up so easily to a complete stranger. The reason I had turned down marriage proposals earlier was due to the fear of not being comfortable enough to want to spend the rest of my life with any one. Somehow, with Prashant this thought did not seem relevant.

Amidst all the exchanges, I had totally lost track of time. Suddenly Prashant said, “At this rate I’m going to incur a huge telephone bill. The only way to save that is by marrying you soon”. I looked up at the clock above the sofa in the living room on which I was comfortably sprawled and it read 2 AM.  Sheepishly though with no sign of sleepiness I said, “It’s been a really long conversation so let’s hang up now”

“I don’t feel like disconnecting yet. Let us talk for a while longer and then we can go and try to sleep. I have the Herculean task of putting a face to the beautiful voice. My mind is continuously adding strokes to the picture of your face that I have been conjuring through our conversation. ” He had not seen my photograph yet but was ready to talk about getting married soon. I made up my mind then that this was the person I would marry come what may. I had always wanted to marry a guy who could love me for the person I was and not for the looks. May seem like a crazy notion but it meant a lot to me.

The next two weeks passed like a dream. I thought that I was sleep walking, talking and living. Prashant and I spoke for over six to seven hours, on an average daily. As the conversations progressed, our minds were made up and shortly we started planning a meeting. Somehow, I trusted him totally by then. I was just following my instincts and when he said, “its best that you come over to Mumbai as you would need to move here eventually,” I agreed without any hesitation. I booked the tickets for a week later and soon I was on the late evening flight to Mumbai. Up until then I was very sure of what I was doing. It was during the two hours on the flight from Kolkata to Mumbai that my confidence seemed to gradually desert me, slipping away from under my feet like sand while walking on a beach.

I walked out of the aircraft to a sultry Mumbai night with fear and trepidation.   Fear at Prashant probably not liking the way I looked, or the last few weeks of walking on the clouds coming to an abrupt crash landing end after having jumped off in a parachute.  We had promised each other that in the unlikely event of us not liking each other, we would hold hands and in a while, we would be all right. After all, we had loved each others souls so what had looks got to do with such a love. A few minutes are all that it would take to find each other’s souls in the unknown faces.

As I walked out after collecting my small suitcase from the conveyor belt at the arrival hall I looked around with Prashant’s face in mind hoping to see him walking up to me. He was not there. My already tensed and over wrought nerves went into over drive and panic struck me. I had just about begun to think that he had stood me up and maybe not intended to come after all. What a fool I felt. Just when the tears started forming somewhere in the back of my eyes, my mobile rang and I grabbed it on.

“Start walking to your right, I’m here” It was Prashant on the other end and my heart skipped a beat. I started walking holding the phone to my ear wondering why he was not coming forward. My bleary eyes scanned the faces I passed and as I looked up in the distance leaning against the steel railing, I recognized him waiving at me.

I walked over to him and when we were face to face, we both smiled as if we had known each other forever. Maybe we did, our souls had connected much earlier. Gradually my eyes took in the length and breath of him and suddenly through the smile in my eyes; I noticed that he was not leaning on the railing but on a metal walking stick. I looked down, again at his legs. They seemed all right. “What kind of a joke is this Prashant? Quite a sense of humor you have,” I said laughing. Suddenly he stopped smiling and the look on his face was surprised, very serious and crest fallen “Sorry to disappoint you. It’s not my sense of humor, its God’s great sense of humor” he replied.

“I just don’t understand Prashant” I said looking perplexed.

“I was afflicted with Polio as a child and have limped ever since”. He said taking a few limping steps as if to demonstrate the extent of his limp.   

I gulped, realization dawning. I was suddenly angry. “You are handicapped; you fooled me all along, didn’t you?” I burst out.

I looked him straight in the eye accusingly. First I had thought that it was anger and panic but soon realized that it was actually a feeling of total betrayal, humiliation and hurt. The feeling of being made a fool of followed suit and then came the thought of how people may laugh at me, at us. After I took stock of the situation and my feelings, I looked up at Prashant again and soon saw in his eyes a fathomless hurt and defeat. “I have never ever looked at myself as being handicapped. I can do anything everyone else can, except for run but I did not think you wanted a marathon racer,” he said.

The look in his eyes and his confident declaration suddenly pulled the brake to my shooting temper. I looked at him first in shock and then slowly the immaturity of my behavior and statements dawned. I was the same person who had felt happy that he loved my soul irrespective of my looks. I had also promised that I would love him for who he was in spite of all else. Shame washed my being and regret buried my self worth. “I am so sorry Prashant, so so sorry. I don’t know if you can conjure, just a little bit of sympathy at my pettiness to forgive me” By then all the turmoil I felt since getting on that flight had taken their toll and I wept uncontrollably and through the sobs that wrecked my body I muttered “ You are not handicapped Prashant, I am. It’s people like me with mental handicaps who label you thus, preventing you from being normal” 

I felt stupid, ashamed and a hypocrite. Its people like me that discourage the likes of Prashant from leading normal lives. Try as they might to compete with the world as anyone else, we restrict them by our sympathies and our own mental blocks. We as a society are more their handicap than the physical challenges they face. Now I was sure Prashant would just turn and walk away, out of my life to a woman who could treat him at par with anyone else. I deserved it. I stood quietly, lost in my thoughts the tears trickling down in abandon when Prashant suddenly took me in his free arm, the other holding his stick and said, “Please don’t cry, it’s ok and you don’t have to marry me, now cheer up we can still be friends. It’s my fault, I should have told you earlier”.

I looked up into his eyes “I want to marry you Prashant, I really do. That is if you will still take me as your wife. You wanted to marry me even before seeing me and look at me, how petty I am,” I pleaded. He looked at me tenderly, the hurt slowly disseminating and smiling into my eyes said.” Sure I will marry you, love and protect your for ever and always till death do us part’ He put his arms protectively over my shoulder and we walked to where the car was parked.